Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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