I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
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He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
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Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize