No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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