I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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