Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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