do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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