at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
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There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
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I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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