Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
