so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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