Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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