At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
