Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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