You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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