If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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