You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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