Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
