it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
