oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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