Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
