i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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