He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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