I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
