Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
