My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
