Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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