Swine flu. Run for my life!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
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