His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
