I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
