My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
