I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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