she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
