I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
