I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
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I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
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Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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