My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
