If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Randomize
