i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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