Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
