She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
