The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
