Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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