I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
