i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
