Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
