so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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