im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
