dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
