I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
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I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
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Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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