i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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