whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
only you would photoshop your dick
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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