I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Why can't burritos get me drunk
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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