I'm sorry my penis didn't work
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
