The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
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