I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
