Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just invented taco cereal.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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