Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
