You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Randomize
