i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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