Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
