I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
