Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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