If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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