I want to stick my p in your. b.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
